A Paucity of Pizza

Oh sure. There are lots of pizzas out there, chain stuff mostly, but really they are all the same–and mediocre. What is it going to take to get a real pizza joint in the Region, whether Cambridge, Kitchener, or Waterloo? People will argue for their favourite chain pie but the differences are marginal and so it the quality (which I would describe as “shite”).

Invariably, what you get is a gassy-yeasty and bready trucked-in-ready-to-roll dough, which ends up being virtually uncooked in the middle of the crust (when it is not stuffed with awful ersatz mozzarella) before it dwindles down to a pulpy soggy mess in the middle.

The toppings can be okay but mostly unimaginative when they aren’t dried out. Why ever would anyone use those horrific canned and sliced kalamata olives? And how can little bits of green pepper survive a 400F- or 500F-degree oven sitting right there on top? And what they are sitting on, rather than under for protection, is the blandest, dullest–but saltiest–industrial mozzarella known to humankind. The cheese is not what pizza should be known for, but it is when the chains get a hold of it.

You need a good, rich tomato gravy, too.

Yet there are no decent independents either, despite what people might argue otherwise. There were a couple that tried but they have recently been bought out by a larger brand and, frankly, judging by a taste I had last night they’re awful: greasy, with ingredients that fall into the same categories and quality.

It is time for an improvement here. We need a few decent–and real-food–pizza joints. Nuthin’ fancy; just a good quality crust with real cheese that doesn’t dominate via salt and poundage and some toppings that are fresh and inventive (if I see another red onion-slaughtered pizza, I will run screaming away). So entrepreneurs: put together a business model, find a good location for a small venue, come up with a brilliant name, get a cook who knows dough and Napoli-style pizza, and get cooking. I think there will be quite a following: I will be the first in line, all the while thumbing my nose at chain abominations.